I don’t trust a relationship to be true until we’ve weathered a good argument. The surprise of the biblical story of people praying is arguing with God is part of the deal. God isn’t looking for a phony relationship with us, He is seeking the real thing, and real relationships have space for disagreements and arguments.
The two most notable examples of prayer as a good argument involved Abraham and Moses. In Genesis 18:16-32 God and Abraham go toe to toe over Sodom. God essentially tells Abraham to stand back, He’s decided that it was time to obliterate this wicked town from the map. Their wickedness was so profound as to invite such a draconian response. But Abraham took up the cause of those who were potentially innocent and challenged God’s plan. He started with challenging God to spare Sodom if there were fifty innocent people. Then forty-five innocent people. Forty. Thirty. Twenty. And finally ten. Abraham was not a by-stander in the relationship, he got right in there and mixed it up with God.
The one thing the people of Israel excelled in was whining. They were world class whiners who complained about everything. While God’s provision of manna was initially met with gratitude, that gratitude quickly turned to whining when it was manna, manna, manna…day and night it was manna. So the people stood in front of their tents and grumbled. Moses had had it, and in Numbers 11 he has it out with God, essentially pointing his finger at God and telling God He’s not keeping His end of the bargain. God had given Moses an impossible job and wasn’t providing for the needs of the people. In the end it wasn’t Moses’ problem, Moses laid it right at God’s feet. And God responded with a new organizational chart so it didn’t all fall on Moses…oh…and sent quail to supplement their diet.
This is what makes prayer so dangerous. God isn’t afraid of anything we bring to the mix, and in the process all of who we are gets involved, not just the “nice” parts we let the outside world see. We are invited to bring our angers, hurts, frustrations, inarticulate groanings, whatever it is that’s stirring in us. While we might be afraid of what lurks in our heart of hearts, God isn’t. So rather than hiding from God, or pretending we don’t feel the way we feel, prayer becomes the integrative experience where we lay it all out…the good…the bad…and the ugly…and God enters into the fray with us.
It is in that process of expressing whatever is stirring in our souls that God works deeply within us at levels which lurk beyond the grasp of our conscious thought. When God teases to the surface feelings and thoughts which roil just beyond my conscious reach, something powerful takes place that changes me in subtle, but often profound ways.
It often isn’t pretty. Our hearts can have some pretty ugly stuff churning around that we’re even afraid to acknowledge to ourselves. But God, as the psalmist says, searches our hearts and is willing to go where we’re not…
Psalm 139:1-6, 23-24:
LORD, you have examined me and you know me. You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts. You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions. Even before I speak, you already know what I will say. You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power. Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding…Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover my thoughts. Find out if there is any evil in me and guide me in the everlasting way.
That’s both wonderful and at the same time means we can’t hide. Maybe that's why it is so hard to be still with God and simply be. My inconsistencies, contradictions, and outright evil thoughts bubble to the surface when things are too quiet. Sometimes, once I get done with a particularly venomous rant at God, God’s spirit puts a finger right on the part that hurts so bad and causes so much pain. It’s that part of me that I’m afraid to expose to God for fear there will be change, but that is exactly what I need even if that’s not what I want.
Now for what’s on my desk…
For those of you who might be interested in learning more about St. Andrew Presbyterian Church and what it means to be a member, join us for a two-meeting (consecutive Sundays) class that will introduce you to each of the staff members, share with each other about how we got to St. Andrew and answer any questions about the church and discuss the values and beliefs of the church. Child care and lunch will be provided if you RSVP your attendance by using the Communication Card or notifying the church office or Cathy Macy (cmacy@eahhousing.org) or Hal McCown at (halmccown@sbcglobal.net) The (two consecutive) classes will be held on Sundays, January 22 and 29 beginning at 12:15 PM and going until 1:30 PM in the Conference Room.
If you want to be part of the team that provides logistical support (things like snacks) for Young Life, let me know at rgantenbein@sbcglobal.net
Now you know what I know.
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